I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
