You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
