I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
