She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
