YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
