Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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