Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
