she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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