He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
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i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.