I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.