you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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