omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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