First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
