god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
soo... how was my night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
