how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
