Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
