So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
pop tarts are not kleenex
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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