We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
