How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
