I just threw up on my dentist
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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