i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
