Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
