I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
