Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
