I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
