I love black thongs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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