I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
