I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
