if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
