i was born a porn star she said
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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