Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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