I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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