I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
