I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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