Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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