Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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