well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
