Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
