You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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