I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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