the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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