i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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