you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
