its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
