hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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