Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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