How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
