Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
