Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
