New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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