I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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