The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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