Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
