You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
