Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
