Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
