Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dignity is for republicans.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
