I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so let's talk penis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
