he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
