she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
