oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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