i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
