I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
