I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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