A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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