Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
