all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
