Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
