Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
