I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
