i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
