i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
